Aidil Rizali Akbar – Part 2

“Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it, a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can. But life leaps over oblivion lightly, losing only a thing or two of no importance, and gloom is but the passing shadow of a cloud…” ― Yann Martel, Life of Pi

Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un wa inna ila rabbina lamunqalibun. Allahumma uktubhu ‘indaka fil muhsinin waj’al kitabahu fi ‘illiyyin. Wakhlufhu fi ahlihi fil ghabirin wala tahrimna ajrahu wala taftinna ba’dahu

Sesungguhnya kami milik Allah dan kepadaNya kami kembali dan kepada Tuhan kami semua akan kembali. Ya Allah! Tulislah dia termasuk golongan orang-orang yang berbuat kebaikan di sisi Engkau dan jadikanlah tulisannya itu dalam tingkatan yang tinggi serta gantilah ahlinya dengan golongan orang-orang yang pergi dengan ketaatan PadaMu.

“To lose a brother is to lose someone with whom you can share the experience of growing old, who is supposed to bring you a sister-in-law and nieces and nephews, creatures who people the tree of your life and give it new branches… 

I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. The pain is like an axe that chops my heart. ” ― Yann Martel, Life of Pi

(Kutipan “he” di paragraf kedua sebetulnya ditujukan untuk si Harimau Bengal pada buku Life of Pi. Hanya saya gunakan untuk merujuk ke Abang, karena aku merasa demikian adanya di akhir-akhir masa hidupnya Abang ke aku :’)

24 Mei 2020 kemarin menandai 2 tahun telah berpulangnya Ardha. Tidak ada 1 hari pun hari-hari di mana kami sekeluarga tidak memikirkannya sejak ia berpulang. Belum juga duka itu usai sepenuhnya, 12 Juni 2020 kemarin, berselang tak lama dengan kabar kelulusan Ozu menjadi Doktor,  Abang kami Aidil Rizali Akbar turut berpulang ke peristirahatan terakhirnya.

Saya percaya dalam setiap duka yang menyelimuti perjalanan kami akan ada kebahagiaan yang menanti. Jadikan kami selalu orang yang selalu meyakini itu. Mampukan Ayah Bunda. Mampukan kami mengikhlaskan apa yang sudah menjadi ketetapanMu. .

Allahummaghfirlahu warhamhu wa’afihi wa’fu’anhu. Allahumma laa tahrimna ajrohu wala taftinna ba’dahu. Aamiin Ya Rabb. .

Abang, I know it is never easy to be you. People always ask me “HAH? Lo adiknya Aidil? Kok beda banget sama dia?” I always believe each and everyone of us, as a human being, is unique. Allah menciptakan kita semua sangat spesifik, bahkan dari ~30 triliun sel yang ada dalam tubuh kita berbeda-beda. For me, you are not “weird” but you are normal. You just show yourself the way you believe you should be – I like it that you do not give a damn of what other people say, and to be comfortable/content for NOT being in their standard. You know your values of life, and that’s what I admire the most.

You are aware of your condition whole-fully. You devoted yourself this past 11 years to be a Dad to two beautiful young sons that you gave their name so beautifully “Marvel Bless” and “Nobel Bless”. Indeed you chose “Bless” to name them, because you want your children to know that they are blessed. You decided to be a stay-at-home Dad because you want to homeschool your sons – and because you know this way is better for your children. I love to see them growing to be this two beautiful human beings.

God gave you 36 years 11 months of living a good life – and I’m glad to share my 35 years 10 months to know you. For those memories that stay in my heart, unpublished stories, the laughs that we shared toward our discussion or just ngalor-ngidul talk (also with Ardha), I will cherish it forever Bang.

Thank you for giving me the time of our lives, I will forever keep you as an integral part of my life – you taught me to follow my passion, to never listen to the doubters, to always look for answers, to be kind, to be presence to the loved ones that matter the most in our heart, to have the joy of learning. To seek from within. I will never forget your gleaming eyes, of how proud you were to me for creating that little space full of books. Books, movies, and music have always excited you. Thank you for giving me lists “Che, nonton film/ denger musik/ baca buku ini deh”.

I am gonna miss you.

Say hi to Ardha from me, and I can’t wait to see you both in my dreams. Hopefully in Ardha’s beautiful white luminous place. Until then Abang Aidil Rizali.

Rest well, Abang.

12 Juli 1983 – 12 Juni 2020.

2 thoughts on “Aidil Rizali Akbar – Part 2

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