It has been 3 months since the last time I post something in here and so many things going on in my life -big change and small changes- has been affecting my mood to write. Most of my writing ended up in trash or draft, because I’m not really finish to write it or it’s to trashy to share. Even though WordPress always reminds me: “Blog is not only for long post, you can just post an image or quote or any short post” -more or less like that…But still, I post nothing – probably because most of my post are long post. I am chatty.
Talking about BIG change in my life recently, there are two major changes: First, we move to the new apartment and second is I’m pregnant again🙂 The first one doesn’t really affecting my mood at all, since the new apartment is so much more comfortable and lovelier than the previous one -though we always miss the old one-, but yes….the second a.k.a being pregnant REALLY has been make a tremendous changes in my life -and I bet to all preggy woman in the world.
The first trimester of pregnancy in my case -and usually in most pregnant woman’s case- is the worst thing that could ever happened in my life. Please don’t get me wrong. I love my future baby, I love her/him to die. It’s just I can’t really stand the ‘side effects’ of being pregnant in the first 3-4 months. In my case it happened like this: I woke up with severe headache and very hungry tummy – it’s 4 AM and in the late fall/ early winter 4 AM feels like 2 AM-. I didn’t know what to eat and I DON’T want to eat. But considering the hungriness (and for my fetus’ sake), I ate
some snacks. Indomie…Which after eating it, make a very uncomfortable taste in my mouth. Then I decided to brush my teeth and what happened in a second flash after I put the tooth brush in my mouth was….I ended up vomiting the whole food that I just ate AND the one I ate before (a.k.a my dinner foods that hasn’t been fully digested). And I ended up feeling hungry again. Believe me, hungry feeling when you’re pregnant is unbearable. It’s different when you’re hungy in normal condition.
That what they said a Morning Sickness. And its normal. And as so you know, it’s not only happened in the morning…It’s happening all day. Oh yeah.
Beside the “morning sickness”, the one that I couldn’t really stand from being pregnant in the 1st trimester is having hypersaliva. Hyper what? Saliva! This one is special and not all preggy mommies had that. I’m that special one. And this hypersaliva thing makes everything even worst. I couldn’t talk without spitting every 1-2 minutes (sometimes it’s every 30 seconds), I had to bring my own TBL (Tempat Buang Ludah – as my husband gave the not so pleasant name) which can be from any single plastic container in our house (no, kidding, I have my OWN special TBL jar), I had to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes in the middle of my sleep -because my mouth is so full with saliva-, and so on. You don’t want to imagine that. So disgusting, I know. Pfftt….
And of course, after vomiting, spitting, headache, and went to take a pee every nano second, the worst thing is my swing mood and
laziness tiredness, and lost of appetite that happened all day long. I read nothing, listen nothing, watch nothing, cook trashy things -except for Azka-, and basically do only this things in the internet: open Fb, Twitter, Gmail, and YouTube. No notifications, mentions, emails….close, close, close. Then I do that repeatedly every 2-3 hours when I go back to sit in front of my laptop.Very unproductive way of life. I hate HATE that! But I can’t blame myself for not doing any ‘productive’ things because I just d.o.n.t want to do anything….Can you blame me for that? (someone blamed me for this, and I still can’t believe how mean she was to me. I’m pregnant woyyy! I have no control to myself! Blame my hormones!).
That’s my life during October – November.
December came, the hypersaliva and morning sickness are gradually gone -even I still have to cope with 1- 2 times vomiting early in the morning and at night-, my mood been better, I’m physically and mentally better, I started do my volunteer shift again. And that was, I precisely remember, because I heard my baby’s heartbeat for the first time… When the nurse came to our house and put the device on my belly, I can heard the sounds of it, strong heartbeat and with a movement in my womb. By that time….All the depression was gone. If you’re wondering, yes…I felt depressed and stressed in the beginning when I knew I got pregnant again. It’s not that I don’t want it (because people keep on asking me “Is it planned or….?” or ” Do you really want the baby?”), of course I want it! It’s just the consequences of being pregnant in the first trimester that I’m not ready to cope with. But now….Since it’s gradually gone, I feel much better, I just can’t wait til the baby come in the middle of our family. I even started to dream about going to Disneyland -the four of us- in Summer 2013!
Another important thing that always make me feel better each day is the support from my beloved ones. Ara and Azka support has been the most powerful source of energy to me. As for Azka, since he’s too little to understand my ‘condition’ he surprisingly he acted like he’s understand: he started to love babies (every time he saw baby images, he says “Baaabbyyyy. Or kissing the image), he hugs and puk-puk my back whenever he saw me struggling with the sickness in the bathroom, put his head on my belly before he’s going to sleep – hope it will engaged the sibling relation earlier😉, and many oh-so-sweet moments he did as if he’s ready to be a big brother. So, started from this month we called him “Kazka” – Kakak Azka- ( I don’t want with Aa. Ara doesn’t want Abang, so, kakak seems more ethnic-free :p)
Ok, wish me luck until the due date – End of May ( my feeling is by early June), and hope this one is a girl🙂
*hufh, finally, I finish this one*